Kisame & Itachi: MGS3!
by Pepper Gem
Summary: Kisame gets introduced to Metal Gear Solid 3. Then the other Akatsuki follow after. OMG.


_Everything went black, and all went silent._

_Nothing could be seen…_

_Nothing could be heard…_

_Until suddenly, a bright light flickered on in the distance._

_What could it possibly be? What could be so powerful as to provide a bright light in the darkness, to provide pwnsome background music in the silence that was the Akatsuki lair?_

_It was…_

_**METAL GEAR SOLID…**_

_**3!!**_

_**-INSERT EPIC BACKGROUND MUSIC HERE-**_

"Wow, that narrator can be annoying, desu neee…" Kisame thought. "But I like the music!"

He inched closer to the light, preparing his sword and looking to see if anyone else was doing the same.

"There's no one here…"

So, Kisame walked over to the television without a care in the world. What got him thinking was the fact that there was a controller on the couch as if someone was just there, using it. But, no one was. Neither Kisame nor his sword could sense the chakra of anyone hiding nearby. So mysterious…

"It's calling out to me!" Kisame exclaimed, throwing his sword across the room into the dust and picking up the controller.

All the suspense, blood, gore, mercilessness and intense pain got the fish-man 'hooked' right away.

Kisame had already finished the Virtuous Mission and the theme song began to play.

"Hhmhmhmhmhm, I'm virtuous now, nee!!"

'_What a thrill…The darkness and silence through the night…_

_What a thrill…I search and I'll melt into you…_

_What fear in my heart…But you're sooo supreeeeeeeeeeme!_

_I give meh LIIIIFEE…Nawt fer honor, but fer JOOOO…_

_In my TTYYYMMMEE…There'll be no one else!_

_CRIIME! It's the way I fly to you!_

_I'm still in a dream, Snake Eater!"_

Kisame suddenly started singing along.

"_Someday you go through the rain...someday you feed on a tree frog!_

_This ordeal, the trial to survive! _

_For the daaaaaAAAAYYYYYYYY…_

_We see NEW LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHTTT!!"_

"I hear…music…and Kisame," Itachi said to himself as he returned from a simple mission late that night. "The lyrics suit me well…I like this song."

He turned the corner to find Kisame, hunched over in front of a television; his eyes were wide and his hands were trembling with excitement.

"Kisa-"

"SHHH!!" Kisame snapped at him. The song was over and a new cut-scene was about to begin.

"What the...??" Itachi looked at the screen in awe. He watched with his Sharingan activated while Kisame played the game with a malicious smirk the whole while. "I could USE those moves in battle! I wonder, what kind of fighting style IS that?"

"It's called CQC," Kisame explained, "Close Quarters Combat. Or, you can just call it RCF."

"What's RCF stand for?"

"Really close fighting."

Itachi sweat-dropped.

The next day, Kisame and Itachi travelled to a nearby teahouse for something to do. On the way there, they passed several shops and stalls, one of which Kisame found an empty box inside. He simply carried it with him until they headed back to the lair.

Then, he put it on and just sat there.

"…" Itachi stopped walking and glared the cardboard box that had replaced his Akatsuki partner. "Kisame…?! What are you doing?!"

"I'm in a box."

"A cardboard box…Why?"

"I dunnoooo, I was just looking at it before, and suddenly I got this irresistible urge to get inside! No, not just an urge, more than that! It was my DESTINY to be in this box, desu ne!"

"…Destiny…"

"Yeah, and when I put it on, I suddenly got this feeling of…inner peace! I can't put it into words. I feel…'safe'. Like this is where I was meant to be. Like I'd found the key to true happiness?"

"…"

"Does any of that make sense?"

"No, not even a little."

"YOU should come inside the box, THEN you'll know what I mean."

Itachi continued walking and left Kisame behind.

"HEYY! WAIT UP!"

The box lifted to reveal two feet, and it ran after Itachi.

"Stop fooling around, Kisame. You never know when our next mission might be."

"C'mon, try the box out, then you'll know what I mean!"

Itachi was so unbelievably confused on the inside that it was hard to describe. His serious, obedient bloodthirsty Akatsuki partner was suddenly telling him to wear a box. Could there have been more to the box than he thought?

"Fine."

"What?! Seriously?!" Kisame took the box off and stood up.

"Yes. You don't normally do things like this, so it's only fair."

Itachi crouched down and pulled the box over himself.

"See, see? Isn't it hard to describe?!"

"It IS hard to describe," the man in the box mumbled. "My thoughts of this utter pointlessness, uselessness and shame cannot be expressed in one fell shout, thus making the situation hard to describe."

He took the box off and offered it back to Kisame. A few handsigns later, he was gone, back at the Akatsuki lair.

"HE TELEPORTED!!" Kisame called forth a giant wave of water to surf back to the Akatsuki lair.

As he entered, he found Itachi with a huge sweat-drop in the living room.

"What's up?" Kisame asked as he dashed over to the sight. Nothing more needed to be said.

"BLEEP YOU, GUARD!!" Hidan yelled at the TV.

He successfully stabbed a guard to death, bombed the ground bare, and dragged the guard in a circle to draw a Jashin symbol in blood.

"I can't… I CAN'T… I CAN'T STAB MYSELF!! BLEEP THIS GAME!!"

Hidan scurried to the kitchen to find a knife. "Lack of stabbing…Too much bleepering lack of stabbing…Must…Stab…"

Itachi sighed – Kisame immediately snatched the controller from the air as Hidan dropped it and began to play from where Hidan left off.

"Oi! Hidan! Kisame! Itachi! You bleeps should go train instead of playing video games!" Kakuzu yelled from another room.

Kisame snickered. "C'mon, guys."

He, Itachi, and blood-covered Hidan decided to go outside and train.

"Now," Kisame pointed at Hidan with a confident smile, "Try and hit me."

Each and every time Hidan attempted an attack, Kisame found a way to counter it.

"Agh, keep doing that! I like being slammed to the ground! Since when did you get so strong, Kisame?!"

"Since I learned RCF!"

"What's that?"

"Really close fighting!"

"…Really close fighting, my bleep!" Hidan prepared to charge after Kisame.

Kisame took out the box again and hid in it.

"..!?"

"I'm not here. I'm in a box."

"…!?"

The box with feet quickly scurried to the side of the building. "It worked!" Kisame shouted with joy.

"KISAME!!" Hidan chased after his voice.

"Oops, that's right! I'm not here!"

And the chase between a running box and an infuriated immortal began.

"The hell with this," Itachi went back inside. "I'm gonna go own Pain with some classic RCF!"

Pein, in his astral projection form, was discussing a mission with Zetsu until he heard Itachi say this. "RCF?" he said without showing himself. Itachi didn't know it was him yet.

"Yeah, Really Close Fighting. Pain's going down…"

"Oh, really?" he emerged from the shadows.

And thus the battle between the Akatsuki Leader and Itachi began…

And the entire Akatsuki battled over accepting the Box Jutsu and RCF or not.

THE END.


End file.
